To: Hoveround Power Chairs
Dear Hoveround Power Chairs,
I made purchase of one of your hoveround power chairs nearly three weeks ago, I have been lodged in the pantry for almost one week. Not so powerful now are you? I was using my new power chair to retrieve some cream of wheat when I lost control of this damned contraption and became stuck between the food shelf and the toiletry shelf. Luckily I had my laptop near by so that I could email you for help. My wife Lindeh is bed-ridden and I fear she may be dead. Oh my dear sweet Lindeh. Why, I remember when I first met her.
The year was 1952 and I had just gotten back from the war. I was dining at my local malt shoppe when I saw out the window a young woman being accosted by a hippie protester. Well I grabbed my gun and I shot him in the leg. In that moment I looked in her eyes and saw a look that said "Marry me, Doam Lidman I want to be yours forever". of course what she said was "Why did you shoot my friend?" but I saw the truth in her words.
From then on I couldn't leave her alone. I sent gifts and letters to her home weekly and I started following her to and from her house. At nights I would watch her from a tree by her window taking careful notes. Eventually I wore her down and she agreed to marry me. After all, her parents had mysteriously vanished and she was distraught. What was a girl to do when I was all she had left.
We got married and a year later we bought a house in Fork, Minnesota. In fact we are still living here today in that same house and I'll be damned if any of you government bureaucrats are going to make me and Lindeh leave. My kids were born and grew up here. How dare you Governor Thomperson you are a disgrace to America and deserve to be impeached. Not since the Carter administration have I seen a worse leader. I will not be voting for you come election time, you can count on that. You are worse then the hoveround power chair I bought which left me caught in my pantry.
I am very disappointed in your products quality and I expect a full refund. Please send help as I am running out of food and very worried.
Doam Lidman can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org