Sunday, July 24, 2011

Doam Lidman's Company Correspondence #1-The Del Monte Canned Mixed Vegetables Hullabaloo

So I decided to do a favor for my great uncle who doesn't get out much anymore and let him have his own column. He has a lot of things to say and those things are mostly about products that he doesn't like. So I have given him a space to detail his correspondence with various companies. His name is Doam Lidman and he is 83 years old so I hope you can give him a chance, he is trying his best. Enough chitter-chatter, on to the first entry!-H.R. Whrigull, Editor in Chief

Doam Lidman's Company Correspondence  #1
The Del Monte Canned Mixed Vegetables Hullabaloo

Hello to everybody out there on the internet! My name is Doam Lidman and I am very excited to be writing my first column for my grand-nephews website. I am 78 years old and live in the small town of Fork, Minnesota. I live with my 3rd wife Lindeh and have two kids, Geoffrey and Richard who I am very proud of (Although as of late Geoffrey has become a member of the homosexual community :( so I am a bit disappointed in him). In my free time I enjoy going on walks with my wife and reading my magazines, However, My favorite past-time of all is corresponding with various companies that I harbor grievances against. So today I have for you my latest email letter.

This weeks letter is to the Del Monte Corporation. I thought I was simply purchasing a fine mixed vegetables product for my wife and I to eat for supper but it soon became more then we bargained for. to find out what happened read on!

The Offending Company 

To: Del Monte

Subject: I am very disappointed in you!

In Regards to your canned mixed vegetables:

I am writing your company today to express my extreme disappointment with your canned mixed vegetables.

I purchased a can of your product for my wife Lindeh and I to eat with our Sunday afternoon supper which was grilled chicken from our local supermarket and also some nice buttered rolls we had leftover from the 4th of July celebrations (God Bless America).

When I opened up the can while preparing our meal I was shocked to find out how misleading your packaging was. Instead of the bountiful and carefully balanced cornucopia of vegetables depicted on the cans label. I came to find that the can was at least 85% corn while the other pieces present on the can were much more conservatively represented in the actual contents.

The Offending Canned Mixed Vegetable Product.

My wife Lindeh has a rare condition which causes her to have mild intolerance to large amounts of starchy vegetables. Now normally what I do for my wife Lindeh is that I separate the vegetables individually and reform them into a special serving for her which is tailored to her health needs. But using the ingredients on hand I found that her serving was very small which of course made her very cross and she felt the need to strike our jack russel terrier Montel with a large print crossword puzzle book.

I can tell you for a fact that Lindeh and I have not been physically intimate with each other for at least 3 years and the night before this incident occurred she promised me the ride of a lifetime...

Needless to say, after the hullabaloo your mixed vegetable product caused that night, there was no roll in the hay for poor old Mr. Lidman.

Now I know you fine people at the Del Monte Company are working hard but I would really appreciate an explanation for your ineptitude when it comes to the simple task of portioning mixed vegetables. Please send a reply. I am very disappointed in you, and though I will still buy your products, I will be sticking to your unmixed varieties from now on.

Good Day to you
                 -Mr. Doam Lidman

No word back from Del Monte as of this writing, but I am eagerly awaiting there reply to this pressing matter. I fought in a war darn it! and I deserve better than this, my wife Lindeh deserves better than this, and gosh darn it! Montel deserves better than this!

Until next time future people
                                   -Doam Lidman

(Doam Lidman is a contributing columnist from Fork, Minnesota and his column Doam Lidman's Company Correspondance is published on The Repository of Assorted Humourabilia. Doam Lidman can be reached at

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